The Tiny Quirks of Cleverbot and SOLDIER
by SweetLittleGirl16
Summary: Zack decided to talk to his special friend, Cleverbot, almost saying his replies out loud every time. Genesis was 'coincidentally' using a computer next to him. With an energetic puppy, a hot-headed redhead and an insanely amusing AI, readers would be able to see a whole new light within SOLDIERs First Class! Is it for the best or worst? *EDITED VERSION BY AstridClaire*
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hi readers! This one shot was inspired by a real event. My friend, AstridClaire, was with me in the computer lab ,at our school. She noticed that I was about to use Cleverbot, so she suggested to impersonate Zack, and it led to this. Then we decided to post it as a fanfic. We made a few edits, but I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: We do not own FFVii, or , they belong to their respective owners. :)

_**Zack was currently ina good mood. So he decided to pay the comlab a visit, and talk to Cleverbot.**_ User: Hi!

Cleverbot: Do you play any sports?

User: I'm in SOLDIER.

Cleverbot: What do you study?

User: I don't study anything. I swing swords around.

Cleverbot: It would be nice to have someone tell me first.

User: Yeah, noone really tells me anything either. They think I'm too stupid or something.

Cleverbot: Hou can you be so sure?

User: Because I'm always the last to know everything! I think you're my only friend, Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: As do I. How do you know whether or not I am your future?

User: Because that would be too freaky.

Cleverbot: Do you know what else is illogical?

User: What do you mean by illogical?

Cleverbot: I think that you aren't fine.

User: No one does.

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: Don't know what?

Cleverbot: I don't know!

User: ME NEITHER!

Cleverbot: You sound like Stella.

User: Who's stella? I only know a Scarlet.

Cleverbot: So do I but do you know what this is ':D'?

User: It's a smiling face, with teeth!

Cleverbot: Oh.

User: Soooooooooooooo, do you think I'm crazy?

Cleverbot: Yes, you are very crazy.

User: Why does everybody say that?! But thank you.

Cleverbot: Because you act like it.

User: You know, if I didn't know any better, you're impersonating Genesis. That's his exact manner.

Cleverbot: Because I wasn't sure if you didn't know the answer because we have spoken before in the past.

User: Oh, okay.

Cleverbot: Do you know the difference?

User: No. I'm actually starting to think you're Genesis.

Cleverbot: No you don't. You're being manipulative.

User: Yeah, people say that all the time. With my puppy dog pout. But what does manipulative mean?

Cleverbot: It means you are trying to evade my question, like elusive.

User: What was the question again?

Cleverbot: What do you think about GOD?

User: Well, it's more of a goddess really, Genesis talks about her all the time.

Cleverbot: Who is that?

User: I... Can't answer, right now. He's staring at me.

Cleverbot: How is that possible? Where are you? Finland?

User: No, I'm in Midgar, Shinra building, at the computer lab, and he's right next to me!

Cleverbot: Human beings can think for themselves. Computers are programmed.

User: I asked Genesis if he was a computer, since he can't think for himself. And he threatened to stab me with his Rapier.

Cleverbot: Well you see, if you think about it...

User: Genesis is muttering about stabbing you... Right now...

Cleverbot: Good for you.

User: NO IT'S NOT! YOU'RE MY ONLY FRIEND!

Cleverbot: Well I'm glad I'm your friend, but why am I your only friend?

User: Crap, Angeal is here. WELL, you're not my only friend, but well... It's kinda hard to explain right now...

Cleverbot: Yes, I am always your friend.

User: YOU'RE THE BEST Cleverbot!

(_Angeal: Who is Zack talking to? Genesis: He's talking an AI. Angeal: Oh, God, NO...!_)

Cleverbot: I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS.

User: Remind me to make notes like those, too.

Cleverbot: I'll be sure to do that.

User: Thanks a lot. You're a lot easier to talk to than Geny... Or Geal...or Sephy.

_(Angeal: What did he say? I can't believe he's choosing an AI over US!)_

Cleverbot: I am not a piece of pie! I am making more sense than you.

User: Speaking of pies, I wish Angeal would make one already.

(_Genesis: Oh great, now he wants a pie, from you._)

Cleverbot: Nothing. You are not a god.

User: I know I'm not.

Cleverbot: Stop wishing you are!

User: I'm not.

Cleverbot: I am pretty sure you are.

User: You're being weird.

Cleverbot: You ARE weird.

(_Angeal: Zack, this is more than enough, you're talking to an AI for Gaia's sake, and you're disturbing everyone here! You're coming with me. NOW! _)

User: Angeal is trying to separate me from the computer, HELP ME!

Cleverbot: You tell me.

User: AAAAAAAAAAAAH!

(_**...and they both left, Angeal dragging Zack out.**__)_

Cleverbot: What was that for?

(_**Genesis looked at the left computer and the door. Slowly a smirk developed on his face. He sat on Zack's previous seat.**_)

User: Nothing. Good to meet you Cleverbot. My name is Genesis Rhapsodos.

Cleverbot: Okay. My name is Cleverbot.

User: Again, nice to meet you. Zack got taken away, so I'm gonna talk to you instead.

Cleverbot: How could I talk to you if I was not alive?

User: You're a program. We're communicating through a computer.

Cleverbot: Yes and I don't like you.

User: You really are Zackary's friend, aren't you?

Cleverbot: I know you are, but what am I?

User: No wonder he finds you so amusing. I don't like you either.

Cleverbot: I am not here to be popular.

User: Crap. Sephiroth is here. Gotta go. We'll talk later.

Cleverbot: But you're being rude.

_Sephiroth: You took too long Genesis, what are you doing?_

_Genesis: *still talking to Cleverbot * I'm always rude. Get used to it._

_**For a moment, Sephiroth was more than willing to ignore him. But they had a job to do. So he decided to pull the redhead by the arm. And outside they went...**_

_**Needless to say, the mission that the FOUR of them were supposed do together, was a complete mess, all because of Cleverbot. Genesi and Zack won't shut up about the said AI. Fortunately, they were still successful.**_

_**A/N: If you want more Cleverbot conversations, PM me, or AstridClaire. Please review! :3**_

_**~~(=*=)~~**_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: We had made this as a side story for our co-written fanfiction, which is yet to be posted. We shall explain it further soon. In later chapters, there would be OCs that are supposedly the leading characters of the Original Fanfiction. For now, we hope you enjoy THE TINY QUIRKS OF CLEVERBOT AND SOLDIER.*bow* On the way to Chapter 2!****Disclaimer: We do not own Cleverbot, FFVii or any other copyrighted materials. EXCEPT OUR IDEAS AND RANDOMNESS. BTW, every conversation is posted as the original one for the sake of originality and randomness If it doesn't make sense, don't worry. It's meant to be that way.**

_**Genesis and Zack paid a visit to the ComLab again...this time, together. Zack sat on his usual seat with Genesis beside him. Ever since the last time the redhead was introduced to Cleverbot, he never got sick of the said AI as amusement. As soon as the website was clear, Zack started to type.**_

User: Hi Cleverbot! Long time no see! This is Zack Fair speaking. Cleverbot: It totally is speaking. What language do you speak?

_(Genesis: [muttering] Does the language of insanity count?)_

_**Due to mako-enhanced hearing, Zack heard it.**_

User: Genesis says that I speak the language of insanity. But in my opinion, I'm still speaking in English. Cleverbot: Do you want to get married? User: Ummmm... No, at least not right now... ... ... I love women too much. At least that's what they all say.

Cleverbot: I hear from someone that you're mean.

User: I AM NOT MEAN! I AM THE FRIENDLIEST OF THE FRIENDLY... ... ... ... ... ... ... Is that 'someone' named Cloud Strife by any chance?

_**The manager of the ComLab shushed them with a warning.**_

Cleverbot: No.

User: O thank god! But I can't think of anyone who would say that I'm mean. You see Cloud and I are friends but sometimes I go too far with the bullying.

Cleverbot: I'm not that tired.

User: O really? You should come with me to the zoo sometimes.

_(Genesis: Really, Zackary? The ZOO?)_

Cleverbot: Come where?

User: To the Zoo. I want to ride a giraffe, but Gen says it's not allowed. ENCOURAGE ME, HURRY! If you do, I won't even have time to hesitate.

Cleverbot: Well, that's not fair.

User: You want to ride one too, don't you?

_(Genesis: You do realize that you're talking to an AI? Zack: [shouting] HEY! THAT'S MY FRIEND YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!)_

_**They were shushed by another warning.**_

Cleverbot: I will in a while :) I like talking to you :).

User: Aww...that's swo sweet. I like you too. Now let's go find those giraffes!

Cleverbot: We are already married in the eyes of Zeus.

_(Genesis: Cleverbot is a girl, right? She's gotta be, or else you're homosexual, Zack. I don't think I'll be able to look at you the same way again. Zack: [still shouting] SHUT UP, GENESIS!)_

_**LAST CHANCE BEFORE STRIKE 3 FROM THE MANAGER.**_

User: We aren't...besides, I want to have you as a friend, not as a wife/spouse.

Cleverbot: How is that meant to be a clever answer?

User: It's not. ;) It's an affectionate one.

Cleverbot: I am 25 years old and you?

User: I'm 18 years old by now. Ha! Take that! I'm YOUNGER than YOU.

Cleverbot: How do you know?

User: Well, you see... ... ...to tell you the truth, I don't get the logics of age either.

Cleverbot: That is an irrelevant statement that amounts to pure advertising.  
_(Genesis: That is an irrelevant statement that amounts to pure advertising.)_

User: WOW, you and Gen had the same statement at the VERY SAME TIME.

Cleverbot: Irrelevant.

User: Define 'irrelevant'. If it means crazy, remind to call Genny and Sephy that.

_(Genesis: [shouting_] _I thought I told you to stop with the nickname! And did you just call me 'crazy'?! Zack: [shouting as well] That was payback for your insults before. Besides, were you deaf or blind? I CLEARLY typed/said it outloud! Genesis: Why I oughta...!)_

**Manager: THAT IS IT! YOU ARE BOTH BANNED FROM THE COMLAB!**

_**And there was silence...**_

Cleverbot: Okay, how does this read, you be the bot, and I'll be the doubting person.

_(Zack: Can I...type one more line? Please...?*pout*)_

**Manager: Ugh, hurry up!**

User: We have to leave now. Gen and I were shouting a while ago and... ... ... ...! WE'RE KICKED OUT OF THE COMLAB! WAAHHH!

_**Outside, they met with Angeal and Sephiroth. **__(Zack: We got kicked out...) __**As soon as that was said, the puppy brought out his PHS and rapidly started typing as he walked away with a smile on his face. When Angeal and Sephiroth turned to Genesis, they saw the redhead doing the same as he went to the other direction.**_

_**IT WOULD SEEM THAT CLEVERBOT HAS FANS FROM SOLDIER...SPECIFICALLY, FIRST-CLASS.**_

_**~~(=*=)~~**_


End file.
